What do you do without a mother on Mother’s Day?
What a beautiful day, I thought, “a Heavenly day”.
I was admiring an almost- Autumn’s afternoon, the sun hot on my shoulders and the leaves just beginning to hint of a change to come.
I had known from the moment my eyes opened, this September 28th, that today was the day, the second Anniversary of my mother’s “passing”. Passing to where, I already knew and was quite certain of, though knowing had been of little to NO comfort for the past two years.
Strangely, those who know and love me most and those who loved my mother well, had said nothing to me, or to each other that I know of. Death was an unspoken secret we kept between us. Not a single hint of acknowledgement about the “day” it was, the “day” of her passing, her death. Not a comforting wish or prayer offered…absolutely nothing from anyone.
Mind Blowing!
Today, as I stood at the mailbox, with the sun on my shoulders, I felt that it must be so wonderful to not remember, to not recall and relive, to not know the significance of this moment, this day, or this entire month. I was almost jealous…almost.
1934-2022
Like any other day, to any other person, I pulled the mail out of the mailbox, looking for the bills first, sorting through the junk mail to dispose of, and found a small envelope addressed to ” the daughter of Margie Holderman”…to me!
I didn’t know what it could be. All of the bills had been paid for all services rendered, all correspondence updated, all certificates submitted, all monies accounted for, and all accounts cancelled. For the past 4.5 years I had been the caretaker, driver, banking, legal and healthcare representative, P.O.A., manager of the Estate and a Trustee.
Today, I was reminded that I was her “daughter”.
The small card inside is what you see above in the photo. It was rather generic, somewhat commercial and plain but,
someone remembered.
On the exact day of her death, two years later, I received that note of condolences, a “we remember her too” statement that made my knees crumble. NO ONE ELSE knew, but they reached out to me.
To the daughter of Margie Holderman.
To both of us.
Margie Holderman, 22 years old with her first child, Beth Ann, 6 weeks old
I do believe that I will see her again, that she’ll want updates on the children and grandchildren, house renovations and why did I do this or that’s?
When you love someone well, as hard as you can, you’ll also mourn as hard as you can…
but isn’t it better to have been loved?
Where and who would we be without it?
As for mourning, grief, or the feeling of loss, I don’t know what to do with it, other than to let go, and to let God.
My dear friend, you’re not alone even when you believe you are, talk about how you’re feeling, reach out to someone or to a church or counselor. I have no sage wisdom, other than to offer you some hope.
Focusing on the love, instead of the loss, has helped me tremendously…. well, it has helped. I’m not tremendously anything yet, except
“the daughter of Margie Holderman”
xx,
