Ladies, if I asked you what special “three little words” you love to hear, what would you say?
I love you?
Exactly!
That would be MY answer, it’s the first thing that would go through my head! (If we were playing Family Feud,
we’d have a 90% chance of winning this game,…right now!)
Years ago, in one of the darkest moments of my life, I heard “I love you” in a very different way…
What I audibly heard, as I leaned against a cool marble pillar in the chapel at Mayo Clinic, was
“I ALWAYS HAVE”.
A simple message, sent directly from my Savior, my comforter and healer.
You see, I wasn’t just leaning against a church pillar, cool though it was on a hot day, I was using it for support. My knees were weak, I was frightened to my very core, and I really didn’t feel strong enough to stand on my own.
Turns out, I was NOT on my own after all.
I had just finished a week of extensive testing in the Neurology Department of Mayo Clinic. A team of surgeons, where I live, had refused to help me, saying it was “too risky”…”could not guarantee the outcome…” and “Hmmm, very rare”…
I was sent to Mayo, to see what they would or could do to help me. Jokingly, I referred to Mayo Clinic as my “last chance hotel”, no one around me thought that was funny……
I was diagnosed with a rare AVM, Arterial Vascular Malformation. Literally, I was born with a mass of tangled blood vessels in the right frontal lobe of my brain. Surgery was scheduled for Monday morning, I was first on the list, they would come to my room at 4:30 for prep.
The day before, I went to the chapel with my husband and my parents, we all just wanted to pray. The three of them went up to the front of the church, sitting in a pew….my legs went weak, and I stopped at the first pillar I saw in the back of the church, and leaned into it.
Like a flash before my eyes, I remembered all of the times I had had seizures, times where I could’ve been hurt a fall or when driving, or could have hurt others… yet that didn’t happen. I thought about being 10 years old and too tired to play, or a young teenager, embarrassed that I was “different”, fearing I would have a seizure in front of friends or at school, that I would act “funny” and be made fun of…. again, that didn’t happen.
Mayo had told me that they would’ve recommended me “NOT having children,” it was “too risky”. And I thought of the natural childbirths of my three beautiful, smart, strong and healthy daughters….a blessing. Living without children of my own….again, that didn’t happen.
God had been so good to me for so long…
WHY, I cried, WHY NOW?
“PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE STAY WITH ME…”
Behind the pillar, from the other side, I clearly heard,
“I ALWAYS HAVE”
Then,
I stood.
I joined my family at the front of the chapel, sat in the pew next to my husband, and fear instantly turned to Praise.
The Savior that gave me life, touched me in creation, protected me my entire life, gave me the desires of my heart, named Sara Janelle, Carrie Beth and Courtney Lea. He led me, and opened the doors of Mayo Clinic, where a world famous Neuro Surgeon operated on me, and sent me home, saying, “Go on and live your life,…you’re a miracle”.
The sweetest words I have ever heard, were “I always have,”
After all, this was the same as “I love you” for me,
And also for You.
